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Bereavement

Bereavement is something we all experience but the nature of the bereavement will profoundly influence our experience.  If death is sudden or unexpected, it can be shocking and hard to understand or accept.  When a family member or friend dies, we can feel overwhelmed with grief and the loss can seem unbearable.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and our reactions will depend on many variables including how close we were to the person who died, the circumstances of their death and the support network we have around us.

 

Stages and Feelings

Bereavement and loss

The loss of a loved one can be difficult and can trigger a dip in your mental health. There is no right or wrong way to experience loss or to grieve. You may experience a wide range of emotions. This is part of coming to terms with a loss or bereavement.

Stages of bereavement

Many people say there are 4 stages of bereavement. They are: 

  • accepting that your loss is real
  • experiencing the pain of grief
  • adjusting to life without the person who has died
  • putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new

You may not identify with all these stages or you may not move from one of these stages to the next. 

Your grief might feel chaotic and out of control. But these feelings will become less intense over time. You will go through your own personal journey in your own time. 

 Typical feelings of grief

You may experience a range of different feelings after a bereavement. For example, you could feel: 

  • shock and numbness
  • sadness
  • tiredness or exhaustion
  • anger
  • guilt
  • anxiety
  • stress

These feelings are normal after any loss. Give yourself time to grieve. 

Coping with Grief and Loss

Coping with your grief

You don't need to go through a bereavement alone. Talking and sharing your feelings with someone can help. Don't be afraid to talk about the person who has died. For some people, relying on family and friends is the best way to cope. 

Some things that can help include: 

  • seek out accurate information about grief and loss
  • be patient and gentle with yourself as you grieve
  • recognise the extent of your loss
  • allow yourself to cope and to grieve in a way that suits you
  • try to sleep well, eat well, and take gentle exercise
  • try not to make major or significant decisions while you grieve
  • accept emotional and practical support from friends and family 

If your feelings of grief become more intense over time then you might need to seek more help. You might need more help if: 

  • you neglect yourself or your family– for example, you don't eat well
  • you feel you can't go on without the person you've lost
  • the emotion is so intense it's affecting the rest of your life– for example, you can't face going to work

Find support

  • Talk with your GP about how you are feeling. He or she should be able to give you information about support services in your local area.
  • You can contact the Inspire 24/7 Helpline at any time on 1800 817 433. The service is free and confidential. You do not need to be “in crisis” to use this service, you can speak to someone about any concern – big or small. And about anything - personal or professional.
  • Employee Assistance Service (EAS) on 01 6660390 or employeeassistance@garda.ie
  • The Irish Hospice Foundation operates the website BEREAVED.ie that provides advice and information for bereaved people and those supporting them.
  • Contact Pieta House, if you are bereaved by suicide. Pieta House
  • "Finding your way" published by PARC Road Safety Group , is a guide for victims following the death or serious injury of a loved one in a road traffic collision.
  • Anam Cara provides information, resources and bereavement support after the death of a child of any age and through all circumstances to all bereaved parents. Anam Cara
  • It may take some time for a child to talk about death, but getting support and being listened to helps the healing. Barnardos Children’s Bereavement Service is supported by the Family Support Agency, Commission for the Support of Victims of Crime. Barnardos
  • Féileacáin is a not for profit organisation that provides support to anyone affected by the death of a baby during or after pregnancy. Feileacain